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We Really must get a "Naughty Step"!!!!   Shaun has been a bad boy and put in the corner   click picture to enlarge

Guess the name of the feet :

Two guys continued to compete in Karate tournaments well past their prime. One day, after yet another competition, they were talking. "I wonder if there's any Karate in Heaven?" One of them asked. "Dunno," came the reply. "Tell you what, whoever dies first must promise to come back and let the other know." They agreed and, about a week later, one of them passed away. About a month after that, the surviving karateka was at yet another competition when all of a sudden he sees a ghost. Sure enough, it was his old mate who'd come back as promised. "Well, please tell me, are there Karate competitions in Heaven?" "I've some good news and bad news for you old chum," replied the ghost. "The good news is that, yes, there are Karate competitions in Heaven." "So what's the bad news?" "Your first match is scheduled for the day after tomorrow."

You know you are doing too much karate if.... You find yourself casually standing in a half cat stance. You trip, go into a roll and come up in a fighting stance. In church. You answer "Ussss". To your boss. You are introduced to someone and you bow to greet them. You tie your bathrobe belt in a perfect knot; then check to make sure the ends are exactly even. You accept change from the cashier using a knife hand with the thumb carefully tucked in. When you're outside doing gardening you practice with all the neat 'weapons'. You look for new accommodation based on the amount of practice space it provides (who needs a bedroom?). You find yourself practicing bo techniques in miniature with your pencil during dull meetings. You notice you never stand with your arms crossed or your hands in your pockets. You find yourself practicing stances while standing in lines. Strangely, most people are standing cautiously far, far away from you. You don't use any tools while splitting firewood.

To deepen our knowledge and understanding of martial arts, here a small dictionary of important terms: Aikidō: A Japanese martial art which allows you to defeat your enemy without hurting him. Unless of course your enemy does not know how to properly do ukemi - in which case he will have all his bones shattered in no time. Aikiodo is also known as "the fastest way to union with the ground." Arnis: "Harness of the hand," a Filipino martial art, also known as eskrima and kali, concentrating on stick, blade and empty hand combat. Mispronunciation of the art guarantees a quick taste. Bō: A long stick. Very useful for bashing people. Bokken / bokutō: A stick that looks like a sword. Bunkai: "Analysis." Sometimes the sensei actually expects you to know what you are doing. Dan: Someone who has achieved the rank of at least first-degree black belt in a Japanese martial art. Darn: The sound uttered when a Dan realises that from now on they will get hit more frequent and more ruthless during training. Hakama: A black skirt worn primarily by Aikidōka, but they don't really like to talk about it. (comment by an irritated Aikidōka: "At least we don't train merely in our underwear...") Hikite: A chivalrous act in karate. By putting the fists to the hip the opponent is given a chance. Iaidō: "Way of the sword," the art of drawing a katana from its scabbard. A rather interesting sport developed around the principle of "look how big mine is." Jō: A short stick, but it still has a greater reach than a chopstick. After all still fairly useful for bashing people. Jūdō: "Gentle way," a Japanese pastime where grown men roll around cuddling each other. Karate: "Empty hand." The purpose of this Japanese art is the smashing of wood, bricks and humans. Karatekas enjoy pain; this is shown by their habit of fighting with their fists on their hips. Kata: A series of prearranged movements practiced in many martial arts in order to avoid free sparring or anything else that might involve pain. Katana: A sharp metal stick. Kendō: An unusual activity involving wearing strange costumes and hitting each other with sticks while making inhuman sounds. Could be a cult. Kiai: A battle cry that is supposed to go with the release of immense energies. It is can also be used to render an opponent incapacitated with fear (or laughter). Kobudō: "The old way," a collective term for martial arts which turned ploughshares into swords. Kung fu: A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts. Many of these arts involve the emulation of animals. Students of Praying Mantis spend years attempting to obtain the other 4 legs. Makiwara: The karateka's equivalent to a cat's scratching post. Master: A title bestowed on a martial artist who graded in a McDojo or has completed the "Become a Master by Video" course available for only 29.95 per month. McDojo: Belts and glossy certificates on the quick. Special offers are available upon request. Who needs blood, sweat and hard work, anyway? Nunchaku: Two connected sticks. Harmless looking but dangerous. Especially for the inexperienced user. Ninja: A confused individual who takes pride in sneaking around at night in his pyjamas packed with hidden weapons. Ninjutsu: The art of being confused and sneaking around at night in your pyjamas packed with hidden weapons. Seiza: It took the Japanese centuries to discover and cultivate the most painful sitting position possible for the human body. Senpai: A more experienced student who is not yet a Dan; often used by the sensei for practical explanations. Ouch. Sensei: "Teacher." The alpha of the dōjō. Knows everything, capable of everything. Supposedly. Sparring: Bashing each other senseless in the hope that that the sensei doesn't realise that you don't know any decent technique or kata. Tae kwon do: This Korean martial art that relies on its followers to develop the velocity of sound and the flexibility of professional ballet dancers. Tai chi chuan: An art that promises ultimate power from moving very slowly for many years. Unfortunately by the time you develop this ultimate power you are close to death anyway. Uke: A way to avoid substantial unpleasantries; but also the name of the poor blighter who is about to be flung headfirst into the mat in the name of practice. Zen: The discipline of enlightenment that emphasises on meditation. Mostly taught by old and confused monks who have had too many rocks fall on their heads during waterfall meditations.

This guy is walking alone along the beach one day when he hears the voice of god. "You have been a good and gracious man through the years, my son. You have shown kindness and humility to everyone you have met and honoured my name." God tells him. "Thank you my lord, I have always tried to do what was right," the man replies. "Exactly and this is why I have chosen to reward you. Name your true heart's desire and I shall reward you." The man thinks to himself for a moment, "I'd like," he begins, "a black belt in Karate." "You what?" Says God, scarcely able to believe his ears. "I'd like a black belt in Karate" the man repeats. God is not impressed. "You have at your disposal the power to move mountains, change the course of rivers and forge life where none has existed before. Your request demeans me as the creator of the universe and insults my very being. I suggest you re-consider and choose something more fitting to my abilities and my worth." The man thinks for a moment. "Okay, how about this," he says, "how about giving me the ability to understand my wife. To understand how when she says yes, she actually means no. How, when I've done something wrong, I'm able to figure out what it is without resorting to guessing games and vacuous declarations of 'everything's fine.' And it would be really, really useful to have the ability to predict what she actually wants from me, in the same way that she always assumes I should already know. In short, give me the ability to think like a woman." "So," says God, "you want your name embroidered on that black belt then?"